I found myself laughing as I loaded up one of my boys in our car to go shopping. I was going to a hunting store - and a huge one at that. Amazingly, I was doing this willingly without being held at gun point. Hell, I had been looking forward to it all day. I can safely say that I never saw this one coming.
For those who don't know me and my immediate family personally, we're not exactly hunting types. It's not that we're just spoiled, naive city types. It's just that it doesn't appeal to us. I'd much prefer to photograph nature than to shoot it. As for those who do hunt, I figure to each their own. It's none of my business and I have long sense shed any self-righteous opinion about it. Regardless, though, I have never had the desire or need to go to a hunting store and, tonight, I took one of my 3 year olds (the one who we suspect may be on the spectrum) with me to Cabela's (http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/content/community/aboutus/retail/retail_stores/lehi/Lehiphotogallery.html). Good God Almighty, there were more dead animals in that store than in the whole state of Texas.
As I led my little boy along with me, weaving in and out of the real hunter types, I wondered if they realized they had a former vegetarian, hippy freak in their midst. I considered exaggerating my Texas accent just in case it might win me some points with some of the good ol' boys I had to talk with about their products. Particularly, we were there to buy their sound-reducing ear muffs. (They're over in the hunting accessories section in case you're interested.)
Surrounded by the dead heads of an amazing number of beasts, and in the shadows of some serious fire power, my little boy and I debated over which ear muffs we should buy. On the long drive over, my son repeatedly stated that he wanted his to be green and that his big brother's should be blue. After finding the best shade of green ear muffs (which reduced sound by 23 dcb), I then struggled to determine which ones I should get for my older son since his hearing is a bit more sensitive than my 3 year olds. After talking to the aforementioned good ol' boys (who humored me with my non-hunting questions) about whether these would fit small children, I finally decided on these gi-normous ear muffs that reduced sound by 30 dcb.
Since the store is more than just a shopping experience, I took the opportunity to show my son around the place to make it more of a special one-on-one time event for us. Avoiding explaining how all the dead heads managed to be hanging on every conceivable part of the wall and ceiling, I led him over to the fake mountain at the back of the store where full-bodied, dead animals were displayed in an educational fashion. It wasn't too different from being at the zoo except, of course, these animals were very much deceased yet poised in quite natural poses (not natural poses for the dead but they hoped you would take a leap of faith and pretend they were still living and breathing.)
So, enough of my cynical review of the store. I actually do appreciate that they carry good, affordable products for my children. Once we had found our ear muffs and had sufficiently toured the enormous store, we proceeded to the check out thinking that this adventure was nearly over. Perhaps this is where my naivete showed itself. As a first time customer of such a popular store, I was surprised by how incredibly slow it was to check out. Of course, if I had been alone it would not have concerned me. The fact that my likely-to-be-on-the-spectrum child is not inclined to stand still for 1 minute much less 15-20 minutes was a little nerve-wracking.
My son is cute and people often find him adorable unless he starts to show what would be viewed as unusual or rude behavior. At that point, people seem to silently revise their opinion. The men who were in line with us (and, yes, there were women but mostly in the company of men), were pleasant with my son and I at first. Occasionally smiling or tolerating his toddler-ness, they all held their products and waited patiently in the long line.
As each minute ticked by, my son began to get a little hyper. He would walk up to the guys and try to touch whatever it was they were buying (thankfully, he didn't try to touch the bow the man behind us had). Despite that, his behavior was still tolerable until he began to gleefully head butt me repeatedly. Trying to calm him down and give him some sort of sensory stimulation which would offset the head butting, I squeezed him, tried to distract him and prayed the line would hurry the heck up. The body language of the men near us began to be more distant and guarded as those around us tried to understand why this kid was head butting his mom in the gut repeatedly and why this woman wasn't beating the tar out of her kid for doing it (which I don't advocate anyway but you know what I mean). I found myself pondering whether I should explain to those around us that he was autistic despite the fact that we don't actually have an official diagnosis. In the end, I didn't say anything and we eventually purchased our ear muffs and left.
Sporting his new green ear muffs (which he subsequently wore to bed), he tested out how loud he could be by yelling and singing at the top of his lungs while I quickly drove home on the freeway. As I was debating whether I should buy myself a pair of ear muffs, my heart lurched into my throat when I heard the screeching sound of a car, thinking a wreck was imminent. Of course, it ended up being my son creaming in the back seat and I subsequently lectured him emphatically about how he COULD NOT DO THAT AGAIN!
Returning home, my older son gladly tried on his ear muffs (which he subsequently wore to bed), my other 3 year old (the one who is likely to be neurotypical - NT) began to ask for his. Silence. Uh. The fact that he is the mostly likely of our children to be NT doesn't mean that he understands that his brother's aren't NT and that he doesn't need the ear muffs. Scrambling for a way to make him feel included, I decided that I would quickly take him to buy some new Spiderman shoes he's been wanting before the stores closed. My idea worked and the ear muffs were no longer appealing. Whew.
Having barely put down my purse from the last trip, I quickly grabbed it again, loaded my other 3 year old in the car and drove to Payless. They were still open! Yes. After quickly finding the groovy shoes he wanted, we went up to wait in line. There was only one person ahead of us this time so I felt confident we'd be home soon. Yet again my naivete reared its ugly head.
In front of us was a woman who was returning 12 pairs of shoes (not exaggerating). She was exchanging a few as well. With a very sweet and kind voice, she put the cashier through some ridiculous loops. With patience of steel the cashier handled her every question and request with professionalism. I, on the other hand, who is about as low maintenance as a person can get without being pathetic, was getting annoyed. My son, however, was awesome. He and I talked and laughed as he looked in a mirror at himself and asked me questions about various things near the register. His body language was calm and cute and he didn't once think it would be funny to slam his noggin into my gut. Where did this child come from?
After the sweet talking princess finally got every last dime she expected, it was our turn. Confidently, I swiped my card. Entered my PIN. Waited. Error. Swiped it again. PIN. Error. The cashier swiped my card as a credit card. Error. She called the manager. Not there. Swiped again. Error. Manager called back. Reboot the computer. Five minutes later, it was back on line. Swiped it. Error. Meanwhile, my son was still being awesome - so awesome that the cashier gave him a sticker.
The store was going to close in 20 minutes. Their computer was clearly down. I had no cash. I didn't want my darling boy who had his hopes on these shoes, the shoes which were to help make everything more fair for him, to be denied him. Thankfully, the cashier made the suggestion that I run get cash. Duh. Trying not to run like a freak while dragging my little guy, I managed to herd him to the store, bought some fruit snacks and asked for cash back. Walking as quickly as I could manage with my laid back little dude, we got back to the store before it closed, bought the shoes (with a 30% discount because we were not annoying, sweet talking people) and left the store and headed straight for home.
If the universe, God, or what have you wanted to give me a clear signal about the difference between how an NT child and a child who is not quite NT would behave in a similar situation, it/he/she sure succeeded. The difference was so vast that I find it amazing that it wasn't so obvious before.
As I tucked my boys in for bed (two of them wearing enormous ear muffs and one covered in his weighted blanket), I felt the strong love that I have for each of them. Although life is harder because one, if not two, of our boys are on the spectrum, my love for each boy, NT or not, is the same: it pulses through me. I will have done my job well if I can make each of them know that they are special whether they have special needs or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment