Margaritas and manicures

Yesterday, I gave myself an assignment which I nearly failed. It had been another stressful day made more difficult by my youngest having a cold.  There were moments where I felt like my head would explode such as when my youngest repeatedly insisted that I pick a new show for him to watch.  When I'd ask what he wanted, he'd say, "the one I want."  I'd try it a different way, "Tell me the name of the show you want to watch."  He'd reply, more agitated now, "the one I want to watch."  I'd then pick a random show and he'd flip out because it wasn't the show he wanted to watch - the one I was supposed to already know. (For those less familiar with autism, this is a good example of his lack of theory of mind.  He does not understand that I am not thinking what he is thinking.)

By the time my husband came home, I was mumbling incoherently to myself - at least that's how it seemed.  I grabbed my gym bag and made a run for it.  I took out some of my frustrations and stress on the equipment, focusing my negative energy on each rep, "1, 2" as my feelings of frustration and hopelessness turned to anger and sadness and, finally, to kinetic force.  After releasing a lot of the stress, I rested in the spa and then the sauna.  Feeling cleansed so to speak, I left the gym with time that I could use for whatever means I desired (a whole hour before I had to return home!)  In an effort to help me nurture myself (and thus to help me through the grief I am feeling about my youngest son's recent diagnosis), I challenged myself to do something totally stupid and selfish:  I had to go and buy something girly. 

I went into the store considering buying new lipstick and came out with a french manicure set.  Go figure.  Of course, it took me ages to pace back and forth down the makeup aisle to determine what was the most cost effective yet desirable thing to purchase. For those who know me, I'm not a major girly girl.  Since I have had children, I am even less of one due to lack of time, energy and funds.  Doing my nails is such a luxury (paying someone else to do them is a luxury which I can't afford) that it made me giggle.  It's so frivolous compared to what my energy is normally directed toward that I felt almost silly.

I wasn't done yet though.  I had also decided that I wanted a margarita.  Having grown up in Texas, I am quite fond of good margaritas.  I know margaritas are available nationwide but they still remind me of home.  Before I could talk myself out of it, I ran in the state liquor store and grabbed myself a mix.  It would have to do and it did.

After having released my stress at the gym and entertaining myself with an almost childish desire to play dress up, I sat back and watched a very entertaining show with my husband.  The two of us giggled like kids while I sipped at my frozen margarita while occasionally admiring my new nails.  It was a mini-vacation and we have to remember to go on them as often as we can.  Of course, my youngest did show up during the second show but, with my patience and compassion restored, I welcomed him into my arms and held him as he slept peacefully.