I can sympathize with people who are on endless quests for youth, beauty, immortality and other seemingly ungraspable dreams. The pursuit can be all consuming. Searching for the next best thing to get you there - wherever there might be.
Thankfully, I'm relatively ok with my age and some would even say I'm young (all those older than 37 years old but certainly not those younger than that). Beauty? Well, what is it anyway really? Even the beautiful have ugly days and the less attractive have beautiful days. Why make my life harder by worrying about how I look to other people? Granted, I want to be decent and would not enjoy being repulsive but, other than that, who cares? As for immortality, eh. I'm here now. I'll be here until I'm not. Pure and simple.
Thankfully, I'm not in pursuit of those dreams. Instead, I'm in pursuit of the next best thing which will make our lives easier. I can remember when this pursuit began: when my first son was born. Since then we have sought the help of a huge variety of professionals: lactation specialists, psychologists, neurologists, psychiatrists, occupational therapists, autism tutors, and so forth. This is not including all the specialists for the twins. I won't bore you with the additional details.
In addition to the professionals, we have read a billion books with the answer. THE ANSWER. I don't know how many times that I have read about a book and rushed to amazon to buy it because it gave me comfort to know that this new book would make something better. Something.
From the days before my oldest son's diagnosis, I was already going down the correct path to helping him by creating schedules of the day - I noticed he did much better if he knew what his day was going to be like. I spent countless hours creating schedules that not only contained an accurate picture of his day but made it fun and colorful so he'd enjoy it - until he didn't anymore and I had to create a different one. Every time I made one, I just knew that this schedule would make everything run smoothly. I have a library of these schedules, signs, and systems we've used over the years because I can't seem to get rid of them. Interestingly, my son feels great nostalgia for them and occasionally finds them in their new hidden spot and drags them out to look at them.
For a person who really believes in the value of simplicity and in not indulging children in order not to create an unrealistic sense of entitlement, we have an incredibly huge amount of toys. Toys for rewards, toys that teach, toys which help certain muscle function, toys which help with stimming and so forth. I find myself driven to go to a store to get the next thing that will reward my child (the oldest mostly at this point but the youngest as well). Although we have slowed down on this aspect of the pursuit, it's still there occasionally. It's hard not to feel the need to find something to make your child happy, to help them grow when their life is filled with such stress and difficulty. We're slowly trying to find a balance between indulgence and positive facilitation of growth. I've also found that it also helps to hide the catalogs.
Our latest focus is on education. What is best for our son? (The youngest is in preschool and is doing well.) Is it more important for him to be in a school setting in order to learn to basically do what he doesn't want to do for 3 hours or is it more important for him to learn naturally and at his level? (He is gifted which makes things very difficult because his behavior issues are that of an autistic child but his intellect is advanced for his age.) Today, I visited our school district's best option for my son at this point. Although I was impressed with the professionalism of the teacher and could tell that they would likely be able to help my son with his behavior, they were seriously behind my son's academic capabilities. How can I reconcile that? At this point, I feel I have to give homeschooling a good try before I have him placed in what is essentially a special education class.
It's difficult not to stress over the right thing. There are no real answers because no one can tell the future. I have to take a step back and focus on our goals and to consider what is ultimately important. So much of a person's success is driven by their inner foundation, how they feel about themselves, how secure they are. Putting my child in a class that is below him academically so that he can try to sit still for 3 hours is probably not going to do that for him. I think I can help him with his behaviors with the help of trained professionals while subsequently teaching him at a level more appropriate for his intellect. I'm hopeful that this will help provide him with that solid foundation and, perhaps, in the future he can return to a school but only if they see him for what he truly is which is a very bright, young boy.
For now, our pursuit for making things better is focused on education but it is also focused on socialization (via social skills classes), occupational therapy, and several other avenues for improvement. Some things may not prove to be effective in the long run but I doubt that we'll ever stop searching for "the" thing which will make life just a little bit easier for all of us. Of course, if it comes right down to it, like beauty, youth and all those other pursuits, I need to balance our pursuit for "better" with a healthy acceptance of where we are and to remember that what matters most for all our children is that they know that they are loved for exactly who they are right now.
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