Controversial me

In a recent appointment with my oldest son's occupational therapist (OT), she indicated that my son needed help with his proprioception which is defined as:  "the perception by an animal of stimuli relating to its own position, posture, equilibrium, or internal condition."  As I was contemplating my controversial beliefs about how my oldest should be educated at this point in his life, I realized that I too was struggling with a similar kind of proprioception.  Instead of being related to my body, however, mine is related to my inner self.  I need to work on my own feelings (position), learn to take a stand (posture), find inner balance (equilibrium), and my self confidence (internal condition).  I simply am affected too much by other people's opinions on how we raise our child. 

I am not a black and white thinker so I'm always receptive to new information and new ideas.  I value that I am like this but I find it difficult to emphatically state that "I know THE answer."  I'm always amazed with people who feel they know the answer to things which seem unknowable such as religion, parenting, education, politics.  My beliefs are fluid, are often reevaluated and, at the most, I have strong leanings.  With the exception of a few basic concepts such as my belief that all are equal, that there is never an excuse for cruelty, and that diversity is a blessing, I rarely make absolute statements.

At this point, I have not found a school which we feel would work for our son.  It is not uncommon for parents of children who are twice exception (2e - gifted and learning disabled) to shop around endlessly for a school which can handle their child's behavioral and sensory issues (for example) along with their being gifted.  At this point, our school district has given us two options:  the school where we have had very difficult issues with the principal or a special education class.  Neither are appropriate.  

When reading about the experiences of other parents with children on the spectrum who have decided to homeschool, I was touched by a quote from one mom:

"When Jalen was going to school, it was like trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. There really wasn’t anything in the system appropriate or healthy for him. Leaving him there while I tried to fight for what he needed seemed counterproductive to me. We just didn’t have time for that — he was fast on the way to developing mental health issues on top of his other problems because of school. It was healthier for him and me to leave it behind."


I wanted to call out, "I hear you, sister!" when I read this. 


In my humble opinion, our educational system works for most children, those children in the middle of the bell curve as well as those on the outer edges but not for those who straddle both extremes such as my son.  I can't say that there aren't some 2e students who have been fortunate enough to find a good educational setting but, it seems, that they are few and far between.  At best, parents have to fight tooth and nail to get the correct services.  My son's brief experience at school was so negative (they called the police on my 5 year old for having a typical autistic meltdown) that I'm not willing to give them a second chance.  Not only did I disagree with their treatment of my son, I was saddened by how it adversely affected my son.


Although I may be uncomfortable defending our decision to homeschool our son for the time being, I know deep down that we're making the right decision.  As time goes on, we will reevaluate this decision, we will continue to view other schools and classes and we will make any changes which we feel are necessary and in his best interest.  Institutions such as schools are important for society - for most of society.  Education, however, regardless of what form it is in, is important for all and if an institution cannot provide the right environment, then it is our duty to find the best possible way whether it is controversial or not.


As for my own proprioception-like issues, I am comfortable with my feelings (position), I'm working on taking a stand as much as I can (position), I'm aware of my need for inner balance (equilibrium) and I'm building my self confidence (internal condition).  I may not have an occupational therapist but, thankfully, I do have my husband, my family and my friends to help me regain my inner strength.  Although I'm used to having controversial beliefs and ideas, my belief that my son deserves to be educated appropriately (in whatever setting) is the most important one for which I am willing and prepared to fight.