Less happy Valentines

I've always been a bit of a holiday junkie. As a child and to this day actually, my parents have laughed at my enjoyment of the holidays. From making cards and crafts, decorating the house to dressing myself up like a fool for the pure enjoyment of celebration, I have always put all my heart into my favorite holidays. Although my family shared my enjoyment, I stood out because I really liked them. It wasn't until I met my mother-in-law that I realized that I could be out done on my decorating! She and I don't hold a candle, however, to my son with Asperger's.

I can't remember when it started. Perhaps it was the Halloween when he was about to turn 2. Even though the twins had just been born, we did our best to make the holiday a fun one for him. He dressed as a pumpkin, we made tons of crafts with both his maternal and paternal grandmothers. Since our life was a tiny bit insane with newborn, premature twins, we trick or treated in the house instead of in the neighborhood but he loved it anyway and, to this day, loves to watch the videos from that Halloween.

There would be something wrong with my child if he didn't like holidays. Unfortunately, due to his neurological condition, his enjoyment of the holidays often spirals out of control. From pure bliss to misery, my son almost becomes a victim to his own happiness as he becomes overstimulated and overexcited which often then leads to tantrums, melt downs and pure stress. We have witnessed this time and time again and we have rarely been able to help him avoid being too happy or too excited during the holidays.

Before I had children, I would fantasize about sharing holidays with my kids. I'd imagine telling them stories, decorating the house, making crafts and food with them. I often hoped my children would enjoy the holidays like I did. Never did it occur to me that I would have a child who enjoys them to the point that he makes himself and often those around him unhappy. There is nothing to me more fun and fulfilling than to share with my children the beauty and excitement of life, and it makes me sad that, in order for my son to truly be happy and to feel safe and secure, we have to dampen that excitement and the magic of special times such as the holidays in order to keep the correct balance for his sensitive neurology.

As Valentines approaches, I have deliberately not talked about the holiday too much. I've stopped myself from suggesting we do a fun Valentines craft together, although we did do a few. Unfortunately, my son is showing the signs that he's getting too excited about it. He was looking forward to his school's Valentine's party all week and eagerly ran into the school on the morning of the party. When I picked him up, he was on edge, yelling to be heard and visibly agitated. He did calm down but I know from experience that this excitement will return on Sunday as we enjoy a family get together at his paternal grandmother's house.

My hope is that we as parents can resist the temptation of being pulled in with his excitement because, if we don't, we are only setting him up for misery. In order for him to have a happy Valentines, we have to tone things down and make it less than it could be. We have to resist the temptation to not get drawn in even as we look into his eyes sparkling with excitement. In order to give our son a happy Valentines, we have to make it a less happy one.