My true love

When I met my husband years ago, I had lost my way.  I had no clear future, my past was a mess and I really didn't feel like I had a lot to look forward to except more uncertainty.  Despite reports that he was a risky prospect, I fell in love with him and he eased my anxieties and banished my fears.  He earned my trust and my love.  For some crazy reason, he fell in love with me.

We married and dreamed of our life together.  We knew early on that we both wanted children.  We found out soon that having children wasn't going to be easy.  Our first struggle as a married couple was that of infertility.  We endured the stress of in vitro fertilization (IVF) several times and we now have our 3 sons who wouldn't be here if it weren't for amazing technology.

Since then, we have been in the trenches together.  IVF was very emotional, exhausting, overwhelming.  Our first son, whom we only found out at age 5 was autistic, was challenging and things just didn't go as we had thought.  Of course, all parents feel this way but we can safely say now after having twin neurotypical (NT) children, there is a difference.

Over the past 5 years, both of our hearts and souls have been poured into our family.  99% of our emotional energy has been focused on our children whether we wanted to or not.  We have been tirelessly dedicated to our children but our marriage was feeling the strain.

Our home life is often profoundly stressful, particularly when we simply can't figure out what our oldest son needs.  When we are both being challenged to our core as  individuals, it is hard to muster the energy to care for the other since we both are feeling similarly.  All along I knew that to ignore our marriage was treacherous and was ultimately unsustainable.

Now that our son's condition is being managed better by us and by professionals, we are finally rediscovering ourselves.  We are such an awesome team.  I can count on my husband like no other.  As much as I wish we had more time together, I cherish the fact that we've done this together.  I am so proud that my husband is the rock solid man I married almost 10 years ago.  I wouldn't trade him for the world.

So, for those in a similar situation, try to find the time.  It's so hard to do.  For us, what works is a bottle of wine shared together after the kids go to sleep, good music and good conversation.  For others, it might be watching a movie together or doing a project together like old times.  These moments are priceless and are essential.  I, for one, am dedicated to my husband and our marriage and I'm not going to let anything threaten that.  It's so important to just remember that love you share, to let that feeling of love fill you up.  It will radiate out to the whole family and will help lead your family down a more peaceful path no matter how difficult life may be.