Friday, June 11, 2010

Check it out

Now that the boys are older (my oldest is 5.5 and the twins are 3.5) and since all 3 are home for the summer, I've been risking taking all the boys out with me by myself.  I've learned over the years that the key to success is preparation and I've heard other mom's of kids on the autistic spectrum repeat the mantra, "prepare, prepare, prepare."  Traveling with any kids requires some forethought, especially when they're young.  Traveling with one with diagnosed autism, one with possible autistic symptoms and one neurotypical child, requires an added level of consideration even if it's a trip to the local library.

Rule No. 1 is to know where you're going beforehand if at all possible.  When there is an option, I like to see where we're going without the children present so I can get a feel for the place (such as how loud it is), determine if there are too many escape routes for one adult to manage, and if there is anything that was a tantrum magnet (such as a toy store). 

Rule No. 2 is to have a plan.  If there are several different activities at one place then I like to let the boys know what order we'll do each activity.  For instance, at the library, I create a schedule which is simple and to the point:  1) We go to the DVD section and each boy can pick out 1-2 DVDs;  2) We go to the books and I'm more lenient about how many of them they can get;  3)  If they were good for #1 and #2 they can play in the puppet theater until it's time to go.

Rule No. 3 is have an exit plan which usually involves a "carrot" (something the boys will want to have such as a treat) to move them out of the place without a tantrum.

Sounds great, doesn't it?  Fool proof?  Well, not always.  Yesterday, I took the boys to the library.  Everything went smoothly.  The boys followed all the stages of our visit and cooperated like well behaved little boys.  Here comes the "but":  BUT I failed to prepare for the exit well enough. 

At our library, we check out our own books which frequently requires my oldest scanning the books since he's the only one who can reach the counter.  As I help my oldest scan books, one of the twins stands right by my side like a good little boy.  The other twin is being his energetic self and he has made a beeline for the sliding glass doors.  (This little guy has a thing for doors which is one reason I'm concerned he may have shades of autism.)  In front of the doors are the security scanners you have to walk through so that no one can steal the books.  As I'm watching my little one running around the scanners and opening and closing the sliding glass doors, I'm calling out to him to return (as loudly as I feel comfortable doing in a library) while subsequently shoving books to my oldest trying to finish scanning our huge stack of books.  If only we can scan them fast enough to get the little turkey near the doors.

My son goes out the door and stands just on the other side.  I can't wait any longer.  I think to myself how other parents would ask their oldest child to help them get their younger child.  I knew this was risky because my oldest lacks subtly when enforcing rules.  I also knew that these two kids are like fire and oil - an explosion ready to happen at any moment.  I was desperate though and felt I couldn't leave the scanner since there were other patrons waiting for my scanner.  Pretending that we're a normal family, I asked my oldest to go stop his younger brother from messing with the doors which were opening and closing with each little foot step.

Scan, scan, scan, as I watch the spectacle unfold.  My oldest runs and tackles my youngest who then fights back like the tough, little dude he is.  Scanning faster now, issuing futile orders from a distance, my boys are now a big tangle of flailing boys and a crowd of women have entered the library and are trying to get by them so they can return their books.  Such nice, sweet women with their jaws dropped at the violence occurring in their path.  I'm not done yet but I can't stand there any longer as I hear one woman say in a sweet voice, "Don't bite, hon!"  I grab the two by their shirts and drag them back to the counter while uttering quietly to no one in particular that "he's autistic.  I'll handle this."  I didn't specify which because, at this point, I might be talking about both of them.  I get my oldest to scan again while I try to restrain the youngest who feels totally betrayed by his older brother.  Meanwhile, my other twin, stands by my side sucking his thumb.

So, Rule No. 4 is to continue to improve your preparation and Rule No. 5 is to be prepared to live life in the view of other's misunderstanding and disbelief.  Finally, Rule No. 6 is to laugh because, well, what choice do you really have?

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