Extra! Extra! Cargo has been found!

Sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be the mom to three neurotypical (NT) kids.  I think I know what it's like to be the parent of one NT child but there are moments when even he makes me wonder how NT he is (half joking here - he does model some of his brothers' behaviors).  Side note:  For those who have followed my blog, I have only referred to having one child on the autistic spectrum.  Diagnostically speaking, we only have one child with autism but we have serious concerns that another one of our children may have it as well.  While we await our appointment for his evaluation, we're just observing him and working with him as best we can.  There were a few moments today where my husband and I just laughed at how odd our life is.

My oldest son is incredibly energetic, creative and smart.  He constantly seeks knowledge and could spend the entire day on the computer without paying any attention to his bodily needs - seriously.  Of course, we don't let him stay on it all day and have found it to be a great tool to help improve his behavior.  Lately, we have been using computer time as a reward for certain desirable behaviors.  His current passion is creating cartoons online at http://www.toondoo.com/Home.on.  We have found his cartoons to be immensely fun and smart.  He has been writing them for a few weeks now but, today, as is so typical of him, he has added a new twist to this activity.  He has decided that he is a "newspaper boy" and it is his job to create his cartoons and distribute them to ALL of our neighbors.

So, here is my balancing act:  how do I reward his enthusiasm and his desire to share without printing out reams of paper and, most importantly, having to try to explain this newspaper to the neighbors?  For a NT child, parents could explain that he/she could just give it to a few neighbors.  They might whine or express a negative opinion but they'd move on.  Not my son.  He has made this decision and now it's my job to steer him gently in a way which is socially appropriate (since we don't know all our neighbors).  We gave two newspapers to two of our neighbors.  He wanted to print and deliver 2 more tonight but I convinced him we'd print one and then we'd deliver it in the morning (to give me a chance to figure out which neighbor we could give it to!)  Of course, true to form, he remembered my saying earlier in the day that newspaper boys have to deliver their newspapers very early in the morning (before his idea had fully blossomed otherwise I'd have kept my mouth shut) and so he went to bed claiming he was going to get up EARLY to deliver his paper.  All I can do is sigh and hope that he sleeps!

After feeling my oldest was taken care of and that he was off to bed, my husband and I then had to work with our other son.  One of his questionable behaviors is that he has certain rituals which cause him great anxiety if they're not completed at night (this could be explained by OCD too which he may have).  For him, he has to have the following things to go to bed:  his duck, 2 stories read to him, a "big" blanket (which means it has to stretch down to the foot of his bed), and - the most fun one - a Geotrax train.  Of course, it would be easy if it were simply grabbing a train.  Nope.  He HAS to have a train with parts (i.e., it has to have 3 cars), its remote, the cargo and the person that goes with it.  The critical part of this is that there are no substitutions.  If we can't find the person that goes with a particular train, the world has ended.  We can't throw in another person because THEY DON'T GO WITH THAT TRAIN!  Good Lord, have mercy on our souls.

Tonight, we found all of the train, the remote and the person but we couldn't find the cargo.  For those unfamiliar with Geotrax (consider yourself lucky) the cargo is usually a little box about 1" x 1" and they're each different colors.  We convinced him to get another train since we couldn't find the cargo.  We started pulling together all the pieces for another train and then couldn't find the last part.  BLAH!  Amazingly, I was able to convince him yet again to look for another train.  In a surprising show of flexibility, he actually accepted this train even though it didn't have cargo (it didn't come with any) because we convinced him the cargo was built into it (it's a firetruck train and we convinced him the hose was the cargo).  Now, if we did this for all the boys then a person could say it's our parenting but our other boys do not have such requirements.  They have requests but, even our oldest son, doesn't have anxiety-producing needs at night.  Thankfully, all 3 boys are sound asleep in their rooms and all is right in their worlds.

Being the parent of kids on the spectrum requires an unbelievable amount of patience and a talent for mediation.  Conflicts between their ideas of how things should be and what everybody else on the planet think happen minute by minute, hour by hour and so forth.  To survive, we have to constantly balance being a firm, compassionate parent who has to enforce rules with making compromises with our children in order to bridge that divide between the NT world and the ASD one.  We have fallen countless times but we have also risen way above our own expectations.  One thing is for sure, it's ever changing, it's complicated, and it is a challenge.

As I sometimes fantasize about being the parent of NT children, I find myself only wishing my life were easier and less stressful but I love my boys - NT, ASD, OCD, or whatever.  They are of me, from me and have been given to me.  I cherish them even when I'm stumped over why they think the way they do.  They are all beautiful in their own way - and you can quote me on that.