Hell or High Water

Whenever I speak with a parent of a child recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I almost inevitably end up recommending they take a look at Jeffrey Cohen's book, The Asperger Parent:  How to Raise a Child with Asperger Syndrome and Maintain Your Sense of Humor.  So many books about raising a child with autism focus just on the child and appropriately so.  Of course, when my child was first diagnosed, the first books I wanted to read were those discussing the condition and providing guidance on how to help my child.  Once I had gotten this preliminary information, though, I found myself flipping through the pages of books searching for a connection with the authors and their experiences.  My inner dialogue while looking through the books would be, "Yes, I know that.  Yes, got that.  Ok, but how does this make you feel?  Do you feel overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, angry. . .?"  More often than not most books do not answer those questions or, if they do, it's fleeting and more of a distraction from the author's real intent which is to inform. 

Cohen's book offers a lifeline to parents who feel isolated and alone, who feel inadequate or guilty for their inability to "deal" with the condition and the sometimes extremely stressful and negative impact it can have on the entire family.  I appreciated his honesty and candor, his balanced viewpoint and, especially, his humor.  He describes so many of the situations a parent finds themselves in, the good and bad emotions that parents experience randomly, unpredictably and intensely throughout each day.  Unlike the other books, his focus is on the parent.  As he states in the first chapter, ". . . this book is not about your child.  It's about you."

A woman I admire immensely once told me some of her secrets to surviving the raising of an autistic child.  One of the things she told me was that having a wicked sense of humor was essential.  I would imagine that Cohen would agree and I believe that humor is an important tool to handling many of life's ups and downs.   When I think back on my life, I can't help but feel grateful that I come from a long line of Texans who have learned to find humor in some of life's more difficult circumstances.  At the knee of many a family member, I have listened to the irreverent banter of my family, their conversations full of color and mischief.

As an adult now and a parent, I find myself falling back on those old, family patterns, finding strength in that humor and knowing that I have the strength of generations in my blood.  Reading Cohen's book has helped me grasp that sense of strength as well and to remind myself that I'm not alone, that there are good times too, to forgive myself for any weaknesses I have and to persevere come Hell or high water.