My Quiet Cheer

Perhaps its the medication, perhaps its the new schedules/systems we've put into place, the professional help we've been blessed with, or a combination of these but, regardless, we're making progress.  To an outsider, progress could easily be overlooked because, when raising a child with autism, progress is very subtle and is often interrupted by random regressions.  It requires focus and an attention to detail to notice the slow improvements until eventually you find that whatever goal you were seeking has mostly been reached.

What I find so fulfilling are those moments when my son goes out on a limb on something, when he bravely decides to do something that has terrified him or when he decides to trust me and does what he absolutely hates to do.  It's in those moments that I want to whoop and holler.  Unfortunately, the few times I actually did excitedly yell, "Yeah!" I unintentionally hurt my son's sensitive ears and my praise had a punishing affect on the poor guy.  Despite my godforsaken background as a cheerleader, I've had to swallow my old ways and now resort to air punching and whispering my praise.  My son doesn't trust me yet, though, and always covers his ears when he knows I'm excited about something he has just done.  (As a side note, one thing that is sad about having a child with an unbelievable memory - as is typical of children with Asperger's - they remember all the mistakes you have made vividly and recall them quite regularly.)

My son will never be "normal" because he won't ever blend in but that's ok.  If we can help him assimilate enough to have a healthy, happy and productive life, who cares if he may seem odd to people whose opinion really doesn't matter - and particularly won't matter to him.  I recently took him to buy some fish for our new aquarium and his little body was alive with excitement.  Eventually, he overloaded and began jumping around like a goof ball.  The clerk was trying to ignore him as he talked with me in his mature-I'm-ignoring-your-strange-child's-behavior.  Inside, I smiled.  He is my little goof ball and he's amazing.  I stroked his head between jumps and decided we could get our fish elsewhere and we did.

My son is happier and our home is calmer.  The challenge of autism is definitely not even remotely behind us nor will it ever be but he's making progress and I'm feeling more positive about his future.  I'm making progress too.  Before, I admit I cringed when my son acted oddly because it was embarrassing and I felt judged as a parent by those ignorant of my son's condition.  Now, I keep in my heart how hard he is working, how far he has come and I almost want to dare someone to say something to me so I can praise him for the awesome, amazing kid he is.